“This is a rollercoaster that’s about to be long gone”

Fervent Cheer/Enthusiastic Applause

Now, I know this is a bit of a departure from the main focus of this blog, but perhaps if I kept up with it a bit more consistently, I could argue that this isn’t worth posting. But on the other hand, music is entertainment too… ANYWHO!  After obtaining a copy of Bionic (I didn’t say illegally downloaded, you did!) I put it on play and let it just run through.  Upon the final note of the 5th bonus track or whatever, I was left feeling kind of confused.  Don’t get me wrong; I love me a hot dance track and she’s got some pretty nice club songs that can be easily remixed but the content…. As a mother and wife, I just assumed the content wouldn’t be so sexual and profane. I don’t mind but I guess I assumed that she’d write music from a different perspective now.  Frankly, Bionic sounds like the high-priced call girl to the trashy street-walker that Stripped (specifically “Dirrty”… And her image) looked like.  I loved Stripped so perhaps that’s a bit harsh, but it just felt Dirrty (see what I did there?!)

Musically, a lot of Bionic sounds like a clusterfu*k of other artists, Beyoncé, Katy Perry and Adam Lambert.  Believe it or not though, not as Lady Gaga as one might think.  Maybe because the CD cover and her new “C” over the eye she’s doing now is Gaga enough.  The Song “Bionic” is a pretty cool intro to the CD but only prepares you for the funky half of it.  It’s an interesting mix of genres and I kinda got lost in its rhythms.  “Not Myself Tonight” however I’m not the biggest fan of.  I didn’t find it to be that first single song and not because it’s so reminiscent of Heidi Montag’s “Body Language” (I know!!! ugh) Go listen to them and see if you can hear the similarities.  Whether intentional or not, they’re there.  Track 3 – “Woohoo” featuring mainstream newcomer Nicki Minaj is one of those club songs and though it’s all about how Xtina wants you to touch her (whuuuut?) its beat is fun.  Same goes for “Desnudate” (a song about being nude) which is sung mostly in English with some parts in Spanish.  We get it!  You have Spanish heritage.  Why isn’t this more present?  “Desnudate” sounds like Pitbull should’ve been featured in it but alas he is not.  But this is a total dance track.  The first 1/3 of the album is about the same.  Funky tracks that are either about her being a “Primma Donna” and an in-control strong, independent and perhaps even bisexual woman or about how she wants you to touch her and rip her clothes off (gurl isn’t you married?).

“Glam” is about what she’ll do to you if you touch her man (you know she was influenced by black folk) and sounds, song title aside, like a song straight from Adam Lambert’s “For Your Entertainment” album. After “Glam” she gets into her ballads like “Sex For Breakfast” (yeaa, about that), the great vocal showcase “Lift Me Up,” “I Am” and “You Lost Me.”  Her ballads need know explanation even though I liked the “Back to Basics” ballads more.  Just when you start to feel like you’re getting a taste of the Christina we all knew and loved “I Hate Boys” comes on.  This song you don’t skip on the CD but you hope it never becomes a single. Why? I just don’t think “boys suck/make me sick/inflated egos/little d*icks” would sound so great on the radio.  But that’s just me!  Same goes for “Vanity” which is about how she is one “bad ass b*tch!” It starts out “I’m not cocky/I just love myself/B*tch!”  I have to say though, any song now whose first line ends with “b*tch” automatically makes me think of Britney Spears.  At least it ends with a long held out note but holy vocal damage Batman!  I can sort of see why this album exists sans a lot of Xtina’s upper register even though I do love it because when she goes there, it sounds a little raspy.  As a bonus though, she asks “who owns the throne?” and her son replies “you do mommy.”  So cute.  If only she hadn’t spent the past four minutes calling herself a badass b*tch and telling haters to kiss her ass.

“Bobblehead” is kind of a guilty pleasure of mine.  Its funny in a bad way and sounds like a song Katy Perry would do, or perhaps has done.  It’s quite a comical song that makes fun of essentially airheaded girls using Valley Girl vernacular to punctuate it (but wait, like… Whuuuut?)  Next is “Birds of Prey” which sounds a lot like Britney’s “Breathe On Me” from her “In the Zone” album but is a nice and mellow song.  “I Am Stronger” is an emotional ballad that Christina does well but even this sounds reminiscent of Pink’s “Family Portrait.”  “Little Dreamer” is the final song and is a message to her child a la Madonna’s “Ray of Light” album’s final song “Little Star.”

All in all I expected this collection of songs to be quite different. “Bionic” isn’t bad its just not where I feel her career is right now but then again I’m not a multi-platinum recording artist.  If “Bionic” came out instead of “Stripped” several years ago I would’ve completely understood it.  “Genie in a Bottle” is long gone in both sound and image.  But then again Christina Aguilera is unconventional and likes to push the envelope so perhaps this album is totally indicative of her career at present.  I suppose that’s for the fans to decide.